Design your Narrative
I love the phrase, “design your narrative.”
It is a concept that screams empowerment. I find this way of thinking serves as a reminder that you have control over the direction of your life. Recently, I found inspiration to expand on this idea in the most unlikely of places.
Enjoy the quest for knowledge
It is important for anyone wanting to be successful in their craft to have a thirst for knowledge. Too often, we restrict personal growth by focusing our learning into one single area. Just because you are a business major in school does not mean you can only learn from business books. It is with this thinking that, as a counselor, I read about business, philosophy, fiction, exercise physiology, psychology, and just about any other topic one can find. The connections across disciplines can take your learning, your understanding, and your craft to exciting new heights.
An unlikely source of inspiration
I recently purchased a Masterclass subscription after speaking to a few friends about the content they have enjoyed. My wife and I looked at the topics and saw there were numerous classes we would each be interested in taking.
She had just started with a kitchen rejuvenation project at the beginning of the stay-at-home orders, and we were exploring new colors for the adjoining rooms. Wanting to explore options, we scoured the internet, eventually coming back to an Interior Design course, on Masterclass, taught by Kelly Wearstler.
Wait, how does interior design influence psychology?
In her opening lesson, she discusses finding inspiration, taking risks, and creating a story for each room in order to build your design. In addition, she focused on the importance of designing each room with a dual purpose
- Functionality
- Creating a room that induces positive feelings
When looking at a blank room for one project, Kelly Wearstler discussed how she built the entire concept around a single tapestry she had found. One strength. One bold component. She then made up a story of this tapestry, and fine-tuned the surrounding details of the room to tie the story together.
l instantly connected this to the concept of creating and organizing your internal self in a psychological way. Advice which I am sure is so relevant in the world of interior design, spoke to me on a personal level.
You can actually design an approach to life that allows you to function at your best AND feel your best.
Can we translate this into our lives?
I believe this is such an empowering metaphor. Each day is an empty page, or a ‘blank room’, in our story. However, I understand life is busy. And, I understand we feel like our days are not quite, empty pages. There are schedules, commitments, and responsibilities. We crave vacations or even one day off to relieve us from the stress.
Too often, though, we take a day off to escape the stressors of our busy lives without a purpose. We could be using that quiet time to assess if our daily design is actually helping us live out the narrative we wish to follow. Detachment from stress should be an active process. You are purposefully taking time to organize, restructure, and prioritize your life.
Focus on building the internal self, instead of external rewards
I guarantee you will perform better in any arena of life if you take the time to design your approach with purpose and consistency. Feeling better internally allows for more external production. The same is not always true in reverse.
So if we can agree to look at each day as a blank room, that we can design in a way that benefits our own well-being. What do we build our story around?
What is your guiding principle for the day? How does this fit your individual core values? Once we have that central concept, what can you do to supplement it with the smaller details?
How can we apply this concept?
You are entering high school as a ninth-grade athlete. Your high school experience is that blank room. What do you want to accomplish? What is that central theme you want to build your high school experience around?
You decide you want to be in the top 10%, academically and athletically when you graduate. It is not about being good enough. Above all, you want to be great!
This is your story. As you design your narrative use multiple senses to explore it fully. What does it look like? How does it sound? What feelings do you notice? Pretend you have already achieved this greatness and design your day around that championship mindset. Your narrative should remind you that you can deal with setbacks and nothing can hold you back.
Now it is time to build your design!
Design your narrative by tapping deeper into the details. What does it take to be an All-State athlete? Good diet, resilience, mental toughness, skill development, drive, willingness to push yourself, sacrifice, and discipline to name a few. What does it take to finish in the top 10% of your class academically? Good study habits, willingness to ask questions, discipline, drive, sacrifice, a passion for learning, plus many more assets. 
This means we need to wake-up each morning with a purpose to design our day. Furthermore, it is important to have a daily plan and to schedule our time with this plan in mind. This allows us to spend our physical, mental, and emotional energy on the details that complete our design instead of on areas that distract us from achieving our goals. If we leave this part to chance, the busy nature of life will take over. By being purposeful with our time, we are allowing ourselves to focus on what is in your control and what will help us achieve your goals.
In conclusion:
- Be willing to take risks! Dream big, jump in with both feet and commit to your goal. What is your dream?
- Create your story! What will you achieve, who are you, what values do you live by?
- Build your design! How will you live out the story you created?
It is never too late to design your narrative moving forward. The pages of life are turning each day. Therefore, when you first open your eyes each morning you have a choice of how you want to fill the blank page in front of you. Do you want to chase life and hope it all works out? Or, do you want to define your goals, write your journey in advance, and live each moment making your story into a memoir of accomplishments?
Ryan Defibaugh, LCPC, NCC, is the owner of MBS Performance Counseling, LLC in Frederick, MD. He works with adolescents and young adults to help them thrive in their athletic, academic, social, and personal lives. Ryan uses his experience as a former Division I college coach along with his counseling background in order to empower our youth with skills such as optimism, resilience, grit, and problem-solving abilities.
