You are enough

Understanding your strengths is a core foundation of being optimistic and living a happy life.

However, we see a different lesson in every advertisement. The perfectly groomed individual in a beautiful setting, with other perfectly groomed friends, laughing, without a care in the world. We see these images and believe this is the key to happiness.

If only you could figure out how to get onto that multi-million dollar yacht in the Mediterranean Sea with a group of model friends.

Then you would be happy!

You can already imagine all the likes on Facebook and Instagram.

This warped sense of reality has fooled us.

Instead of self-fulfillment and meaningful relationships, we crave materials and a life sold to us by companies pushing a product. We allow ourselves to feel like a failure because we do not live in the $800,000 house or because we cannot afford to travel the world at 35 years old.

We attempt to be everyone else’s definition of success and in turn forget to define our own narrative. We forget to tell ourselves that we are enough. That we have strengths of our own, and our happiness is found in fully embracing those strengths.

Understand your own nature and work with a personal purpose.

However, too often, coaches, counselors, teachers, and parents only identify the weaknesses of our children as well; expecting them to be perfect in all aspects of sport, school, and life. As parents we take for granted what our children do well and we spend time trying to correct all the areas that are inadequate. No wonder many high school seniors still cannot articulate their strengths. But almost all of them can tell you a weakness.

Our schools make every student complete the same classes for graduation, ignoring the individual strengths of the student. From a young age, children learn they are ‘lesser than’ their classmates if he or she has trouble learning as quickly as others.

We label their abilities with percentages and then wonder why they become disenchanted with learning by the time they are 14 years old. In reality, a student should enter a class with 0% knowledge of that subject. If in 18 weeks they know 70% of the subject matter, I consider that a success! Furthermore, if someone receives a 95-100% in a class, that student should be able to become the teacher. But, do we really believe they know 100% of the material?

We celebrate our scholars, but forget to celebrate our inventors and our doers.

Not everyone of value is a mathematician or a scientist or a philosopher. Higher education has too much theorizing and not enough application as it is. We need to value the strengths of the mechanic, the manufacturer, and the farmer in our schools. There is nothing that breaks my heart more than seeing a middle school child, already placing himself into a lower level of expectations because he is not in “honors” classes. Yet, he can take apart an engine, find the problem and repair it.  A skill most of his classmates will never learn.

On the athletics field, can everyone play the same position? Does every position not have a value for the overall goal of the team? Some positions do more of the dirty work, rarely getting the recognition, but are still as important as the star accumulating the “important” statistics. If everyone is only focused on their own ability to score, who will defend? If we expect the same role from every player on the field or court will the team function as a whole?

As counselors, we often try to fit everyone into a diagnosis, or function under the practice that every client can be helped through one theoretical approach. It is our responsibility to recognize the strengths of the client and to bring these to the surface. It is my belief everyone can be successful if they understand their personal strengths and work hard to utilize them in practical ways.

Much of our unhappiness as a society lies in the desire to achieve in areas that are not utilizing our true nature as individuals. We focus on our weaknesses and try to spend months and years improving them beyond a realistic level. We set ourselves up for disappointment from the beginning.

In turn, we fail to take our actual strengths to new and exciting peaks.

So, I say to everyone:

You are enough!

Instead of concerning yourself with the criticism of others, strive to understand who you are. Love the nature of your being and find peace within your own soul.

Spend your time, every day, becoming the best self you can possibly be!

You are enough!

Reach out to me today and we can begin the journey of discovering your strengths and how to apply them in your life!

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Ryan Defibaugh, LCPC, NCC, is the owner of MBS Performance Counseling, LLC in Frederick, MD. He works with adolescents and young adults to help them thrive in their academic, social, and personal lives. Ryan uses his experience as a Division I college coach along with his counseling background in order to empower our youth with skills such as optimism, resilience, grit, and problem-solving abilities.